Love is a many-splendored thing, but when you think about it too hard, it's mostly just weird. Right after New Year's (and sometimes even earlier) it seems like everything is heart-shaped or covered in lace and roses of a certain color start popping up in every shop. If you're a love cynic, just kind of over the commercialized frenzy that Valentine's Day has become or you just see the absurdity in everyone getting all twitterpated for a month or so every year, we've got the balm for your skeptical soul. Lots of comedians, actors, writers and just plain funny people out there share your sentiments on Valentine's Day, most of whom have articulated them much more eloquently (and hilariously) than we ever could. Favorites like Will Ferrell, Lily Tomlin, David Sedaris and Jerry Seinfeld have all tackled the subject, and their thoughts are just as gut-busting as you'd think they would be.
Whether you're trying to figure out what to write in a Valentine's Day card, casting around for something that will make your Valentine, galentine or partner in anti-Valentine's laugh out loud, or you're hunting for the perfect Galentine's Day Instagram caption, these funny Valentine's Day quotes about love skip right over the sappy sides of this holiday and head straight for the sillier aspects. Here are our favorite hilarious V-day sayings that are bound to put a smile on your face.
1Jenny Han, All The Boys I've Loved Before'
I didn't fall for you, you tripped me!
2Eleanor Shellstrop, 'The Good Place'
I've only ever said 'I love you' to two men my entire life, Stone Cold Steve Austin and a guy in a dark club who I mistook for Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Love is so much more than a four-letter word.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.
True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
A man's main job is to protect his woman from her desire to 'get bangs' every other month.
Marriage is a wonderful invention. Then again, so is a bicycle kit.
I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too – for being married so many times.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.
My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.
You can't put a price tag on love. But if you could, I'd wait for it to go on sale.
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.
It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.
Marriage is a lot like the army. Everyone complains, but you'd be surprised at the large number that re-enlists.
If you text 'I love you to a persona and the person writes back an emoji – no matter what that emoji, they don't love you back.
Love thy neighbor — and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
21Jim Baker, 'Sixteen Candles'
That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.
22Michael Scott, 'The Office'
Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
Love is a grave mental illness.
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.
26Markus Zusak, 'The Book Thief'
The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.
I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.
My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.
A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime that doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.
Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
32King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea.
Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.
Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.
Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.
It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it's the people in it who do.
Without Valentine's Day, February would be … well, January.
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Love is being stupid together.
What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.
Don't feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don't need to the less fortunate.
I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.
Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight
I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.
Katie BourqueAs an Editorial Fellow for Good Housekeeping, Katie covers health, beauty, home, and pop culture.
Lizz SchumerSenior EditorLizz Schumer covers pets, culture, lifestyle, books, entertainment and more as Good Housekeeping's senior editor; she also contributes to Woman's Day and Prevention.
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